I will die if light touches me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
