Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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