oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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