Christians are straight up FREAKS
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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