Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
