ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
