Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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