at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
