theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
