the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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