So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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