i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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