please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
