he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
