I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
