So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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