Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
