So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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