At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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