i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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