so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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