Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
