i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
