Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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