My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
