I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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