Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
