Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i wish my penis had a tongue
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
