Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
