just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
