can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
