My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
