piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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