gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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