shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
