I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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