just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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