I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
