Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
