thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
