she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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