Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
