we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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