Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
