would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
