Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
