if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
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