I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
