One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
