getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I am naked and annoyed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
