omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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